Sometimes there isn’t one obvious thing that’s 'wrong'. You just know that something doesn’t feel right anymore.
These patterns often make sense when we understand what you learned about relationships, responsibility and keeping yourself emotionally protected. I can help you make sense of them and begin to respond differently.
Counselling for Adults
Anxiety, childhood experiences, trauma, grief, OCD, people pleasing, burnout, depression, relationships, boundaries, self -esteem, chronic illness and so much more.
I'm fine!
Have you spent too long holding everything together?
Do you appear capable on the outside while feeling anxious, overwhelmed or completely exhausted?
Perhaps you overthink conversations, feel guilty when you say no, react more strongly than you want to, or no longer know what you need beneath everything other people need from you.
I can help you understand the patterns shaping your thoughts, feelings and relationships.
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Do you really know who you are?
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Do you know who you are when nobody needs anything from you?
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Do you get angry really quickly over something that seems quite small?
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Do you worry about disappointing people or feel guilty putting yourself first?
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Do you automatically say yes, then feel trapped, resentful or exhausted?
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Do you replay conversations, wondering whether you said something wrong?
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Do you feel guilty when you rest, ask for help or put your own needs first?
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Do you feel as though you need permission, even though nobody is actually stopping you?
Why do I feel responsible for keeping everyone else happy?
Why can’t I say no without feeling guilty?
Why do things from years ago still affect me now?
So much of how we live now, comes from what we learned growing up.
Every family has different values, expectations and ways of doing things. Our parents may simply have continued what they learned from their own parents.
This becomes our normal.
We don’t question it. Why would we?
Sometimes what we learned is helpful.
Sometimes it isn’t.
And sometimes we desperately want to do something differently.
We know what we need to change. But when the moment comes, we just can’t.
As children, we adapt.
Maybe you learned:
To keep the peace.
Walk on eggshells.
To be good.
To be good enough.
Feel responsible for other people’s emotions.
To watch other people’s moods.
To put their feelings before your own.
To cope alone.
To do what you were told.
Maybe you needed permission for everything, however small.
Perhaps saying no felt impossible.
Maybe being helpful, successful or well behaved got you approval.
You might simply have thought that was normal.
Why am I so hard on myself?
Why do I overthink everything?
