Helping Teenagers Feel Like Themselves Again
Has your teenager become anxious, withdrawn, overwhelmed or just not quite themselves? Therapy can provide a safe, confidential space where they can talk, explore their feelings and develop healthier ways of coping.
School has become a struggle
Being a teenager can be really difficult. There can be so much pressure from peers, teachers, parents, themselves, society or it can seem everywhere. It can be hard to know who you are, who you feel you should be or whether there’s a totally different way to be.
It can feel lonely, confusing, overwhelming, scary, exciting and controlling, to name a few. The feelings can be there in isolation or as combinations, sometimes conflicting.
One of the reasons I moved from teaching young people to supporting them emotionally, was because I spent many years working with young people who struggled at school, both academically and relationally, and what they really needed was to talk, to be heard and to be understood. I soon realised, that they felt they could with me.
Everything becomes an argument.
Building a relationship with some teens, can take time. It can with anybody. Teenagers need to know that they can trust the adult they’re talking to. They need to know that their parents won’t find out what it is that they’re saying or feeling. I make it really clear from the very start, that their sessions are confidential. I may ‘check in’ with parents regarding the themes that we’ve talked about or how things are going but never the actual content (without their prior consent). I think it’s important to acknowledge that there can always be something at the back of a young persons mind that says, ‘the adults will talk to each other’. So I address this at the start, and provide that reassurance.
Of course I also make it clear from the start, that I do have a duty to kelp them safe and if they tell me something that makes me feel that they could be at harm or someone else could be at harm, then yes, I would have to do something with that piece of information, because the most important thing, is that they’re safe and safeguarding is paramount.
They spend all their time in their room.
They won't talk to us anymore.
Most young people do talk to me. Maybe not immediately, maybe not for a while, but even when they’re not, the communication is meaningful. They’re seeing that they can trust me. They’re seeing whether I will accept them for what or who they are, or the version of themselves they will bring. Sometimes they need to test me and see whether I’ll still be there. It’s all really important and meaningful. As with all of us, if we don’t like somebody or trust them, we won’t talk to them or share our innermost thoughts or feelings.
Parents often tell me that they don’t think their teen will speak to me. They won’t speak to anyone, so why would they speak to me, a stranger they’ve only just met? More often than not though, they do.
Maybe it’s the years I’ve spent working with young people?
Maybe it’s the academic study I’ve completed, allowing me to understand the theory behind how young people develop.
Maybe it’s because many (many!) years ago, I was a teenager too and I know hard how it can feel, even when, to the outside world, it shouldn’t.
Maybe I’m led by my own inner child.
Maybe it’s being a mum.
Maybe it just a combination of many things, but most do talk to me. Not everyone, it can’t be. But most.
Some of the reasons teens come to counselling:
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anxiety or feeling overwhelmed
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self-harm
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low mood or depression
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low self-esteem or lack of confidence
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friendship or relationship difficulties
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school-related stress or pressure
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identity or sense of self
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anger or strong emotions
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difficult experiences from early childhood
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feeling “not quite themselves”